When our daughter was little, the discussion about what
terminology we were going to use to refer to her girlie bits was nearly as
lengthy as the discussions we had to pick her actual name! The word Vagina was
far too anatomical and medical for my liking. The thought of my cute little
toddler announcing that she had “washed her vagina” as she splashed in the bath
just didn’t work for me. Years before I became a mum I had worked in a
residential care home for children with learning disabilities. Here the general
consenus amongst us carers was to refer to “that zone” as their “Daisy.” This
had worked quite well; telling a child to wash their face, armpits, legs and
daisy didn’t seem at all vulgar. And so this terminology had stuck with me
throughout my early adult life.
Then, a close friend told me how devastated she was that her
husband refused to accept her first choice of name for her newborn baby.
Apparently she had always dreamed of having a little girl called Daisy and so
when their baby girl arrived, she thought her long awaited dreams were
answered. Then her husband announced that under no circumstance was he having
his child named after the contents of MY pants and my friends dreams were
quashed. I felt so guilty that I immediately deleted the definition of the word
Daisy from my personal dictionary. Fortunately 2 years later, when her second
daughter was born, her husbands memory had faded and she finally got her Daisy.
It has to be said though, that all the other commonly used
words for that zone simply turn my stomach. Fanny, Gina [short for Vagina]
front bottom, and even girlie bits are all either harsh, derogatory or
blatantly inaccurate.
So why oh why is it that, when it comes to boys, the options
are endless and most of these euphemisms have an endearing undertone. There is
nothing vulgar about the word willy, although with the popularity of the name
William over recent years this may not be the most favoured option. But then, the
anatomically correct word, Penis does not need to even hit the radar of options
when there is already such an extensive range of words already in common use.
You have Tackle, Dingle Dangle, Chap, Little man, little friend, gun, todge and
winkle to name just a few. You would never be embarrassed to use any of this in
public; depending of course on what your son is doing with his “winkle” for you
to have to mention it in public!
It is hard to believe that it is such an array of cute
endearing words that we have adopted for the very part of the male anatomy
which is the driving force behind most things he is likely to get into trouble
with in life. The potential weapon of mass destruction, this testosterone pump
of trouble is referred to by his mummy as though it is his little life
companion, his security blanket, his sole mate.
So, with two girls, a decision needed to be made and so a
new word n our family dictionary was devised. It may not be ideal, but it works
for us and at least no potential parents are left quaking in their boots at the
prospect of naming their offspring after my vagina. Having opted for the word
“toush” instead of bum or bottom, we simply extended this in a particularly
effeminate way to deal with the frontal region. And so, my daughters and I are
now the proud owners of “Toush-di-lala’s”
Admittedly, it does still have a slightly over floral sound
to it, but at least I can live safe in the knowledge that the only people I am
likely to offend with this terminology is yellow teletubbies and thankfully
they appear to be a species of the past now anyway!
